Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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