Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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