you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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