So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this is an emotional support booty call
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
