lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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