I didn't shave. On purpose
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
