I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
