Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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