I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
