You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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