ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
