is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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