Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
