At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
