my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
