he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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