someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
