i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
