Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
