Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
