WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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