In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
