the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And then he peed in my hair
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