my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
