I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
