she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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