The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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