I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I believe in your delicious
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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