dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
