oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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