The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
