i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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