He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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