i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
