just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
