I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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