I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
