My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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