Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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