I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize