It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
