Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
