I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
