no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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