we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
