can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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