just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
