people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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