11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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