You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
