i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
