You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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