i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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