please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
