I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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