like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
