My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just cropdusted the office
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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