Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
