i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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