i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He better not be in your backpack
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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