walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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