Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
