I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
