you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
