im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
