my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
