I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
