My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
