can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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