i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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