there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
