well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
